My first glass of Whine.

Hello World, Okay before I get too involved.. let me say this...I tend to drift when I write but i will do my best to stay focused on any topic. I wanted to start a new blog about my battle with depression and with any luck this can be a perfect venue to let go of the shit that has always stained my emotional underwear. I have held on to so much crap in my head that its become apart of me like an arm or leg. Some days I am not sure where I begin and where the past ends. I'm one of those freaks that can make a friend but can't hold on to that new friend. I become so overwhelmed so much that I find it hard to know where I stand with the people in my life. This feeling of isolation and disconnection with the human race is too strong. Yeah I know.. Get over it! It would be nice if it was a simple as that. I also know that there is lots of help and meds for  fuck tards like me but it comes at a high price tag. Lets face it... it cost lots of money to be healthy and sane. I may be depressed but I can still function. Well... a little I can. Personally I don't think I would take meds for my depression even if i could afford it. I see it like this... I paid the price for having a crazy mother fucker for a father.. i refuse to pay anymore. I am going to do this on my own. I could ask for advice from the readers but I know that wont happen. I'm not saying you guys ( the readers) don't care or have anything supportive to say but lets face it...people have their own demons to deal with. To be honest.. I want help. I think I need it but as as I said...People have their own demons.I have tried to be open in the past but my story was used against me. I suppose thats karma. I'm not always a nice person. I may be more like my father than I care to admit. MY anger has pushed away a lot of people in my life over the years. My partner Dale is the one true good thing in my life. I have not pushed him away yet so I guess thats a start in the right direction. He is the one person that has not given up on me. I'm lucky but I don't think I deserve it. I have two close friends that gets me too. I've tried very hard not to push them away. My fear is that one day.. these two close friends will move on without him. Maybe they should. I'm too self-whatever to be around anyway. I think we all feel that way sometimes.
Anyway,,, thats all I have to say today.
thanks for stopping by.

Allen